Subject: Sports (Page 118)

Being thick isn’t an affliction if you’re a footballer, because your brains need to be in your feet. And Beckham works hard, he’s brave and he crosses a ball superbly. He treats a football like he does a wife – lovingly, with caresses.

English football player & manager
Sports

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

The announcement of the disqualification was greeted by booze from the spectators at the pool.

Alcohol Food/Drink Sports

And Michael Schumacher is actually in a very good position… he’s in last place.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

Here’s a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

We get carried away with coaches and coaching. I have my coaching badges, but they came out of a Cornflakes packet at the time.

English football player & manager
Sports

I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.

American basketball player
Basketball Health Sports

A mediocre season for Nelson Piquet as he is now known and always has been.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.

American basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

Don't worry, the fans don't start booing until July.

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

The reason they call if ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were used up.

Golf Sports

Here’s Wellwood, seven-and-oh in the faceoffs, plus-two, two assists, played 20 minutes, drew eight minutes on the power play, lost a tooth and a pint of blood. What a guy.

Canadian hockey player, coach & commentator
Hockey Sports

Our first priority was staying alive. Our second was stopping the puck.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I'd rather fight than score.

Canadian hockey player
Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

We're looking forward to building the type of team the Rangers are able to buy.

Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

How can you trust a man who can talk for five minutes and you can’t understand a sentence of it!

British and Canadian boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Never in the ring of human conflict have so few taken so much from so many.

American boxer
Boxing Sports Wordplay

With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.

Golf Occupations Sports Work

In the hunt to buy the San Francisco Giants was George Shinn, owner of the Charlotte Harlots.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports