Subject: Sports (Page 118)

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Occupations Sports Work

When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.

professional football player
Characteristics Football Sports

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Honesty Insults Intelligence Sports

I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.

American basketball player
Basketball Health Sports

I didn't want my Mom to know I was drag racing for 20 years so I told her I was in prison.

American drag racing crew chief & pioneer
Auto racing Sports

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Auto racing Sports

Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.

British politician
People Sports Time

He’s got the balls and when he’s holding them he controls the tempo.

American professional tennis player
Misspokements Sports

Dance with the one what brung ya.

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Football Sports

We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Marshall's bowling with his head.

Misspokements Sports

I quit coaching because of illness and fatigue; the fans were sick and tired of me.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

It’s not Terry Holmes that Bradford needs – it’s Sherlock.

Rugby coach
Sports

We used to pray the White Sox and the Cubs would merge so Chicago would have only one bad team.

American comedian
Baseball Sports

I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

When they list the great things of the 20th Century, they’ll say, penicillin, Sophia Loren, jet travel and ESPN.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Entertainment Sports Television

I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.

American basketball player
Misspokements Sports

Tell me where you want to go. If they have a team, I'll schedule them.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

When I broke in, they didn’t have bats – we just grabbed the branch of a tree.

American baseball pitcher
Age Baseball Sports

I tell him ‘Attaway to hit, George.’

American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Every car has a lot of speed in it. The trick is getting the speed out of it.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things