Subject: Sports (Page 15)

The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.

Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports

It's going to be good to be on his side for a change. I'll save a lot of energy since I don't have to concentrate on whacking him. I'm pretty excited about that.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway, you're on the same wavelength as the referees.

Welsh rugby player
Sports

By the way Frank Bruno went on about beating Bugner, you'd have thought he had won the Booker prize, not just taken time to out-jab an old man bullocking around pretty harmlessly in the pension queue.

(1944 – ) British sportswriter
Boxing Sports

Golfing: The art of using a flawed stance, a faulty grip, and an ugly swing to hit a small ball badly toward the wrong hole.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Sports

Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The only thing I've noticed is that when I come into the locker room, they all bow.

(1956 – ) Czech American tennis player
Sports

Sugar Ray Leonard was asked by Johnny Carson, “When do the wounds from the fight heal?”
His reply: “When the check clears.”

American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Give each guy on the line an ax.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Football Sports

A lot of the people who make these suggestions would have a hard time filling out the application forms to work at 7-Eleven.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

When we played, World Series checks meant something; now all they do is screw up your taxes.

American baseball pitcher & announcer
Baseball Money Sports

We’ll be back after this word from Manufacturer’s Hangover.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Ninety feet between bases is perhaps as close a man has ever come to perfection.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

Doctors tell me I have the body of a thirty year old. I know I have the brain of a fifteen year old. If you've got both, you can play baseball.

American baseball player
Appearance Baseball Body Intelligence Sports

If he wanted me to run 26 miles through the hills, I would. If he wanted me to carry water bottles, I would. If he wanted me to get my hair cut like his… well, you have to draw the line somewhere.

American football player
Football Sports

Jean Alesi is 4th and 5th.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

 I don't think we've been beaten by officials more than five times this season.

college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Terry Downes' face looked as if he had slept on it.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

The bell went ding and I went dong.

British boxer
Boxing

Vicodin and vodka — the breakfast of champions.

(1918 – 1990) football coach
Football Sports