Subject: Sports (Page 16)

You know that creepy-looking guy you stare at two seats behind you, thinking, who would come to a movie by himself? That's me.

(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive
Hockey People Self Sports

Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re good at it, you deserve a medal.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Sex Sports

I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats; after all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Yogi-isms

Why should I have become elevated to a position of first-page importance merely because I am somewhat more dexterous than most in manipulating a contrivance of catgut and wood which is commonly called a tennis racquet?

first American female professional tennis player
Sports Success

You can tell that you’re in trouble when you feel the air on the back of your neck instead of in your face.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

The Minutemen are not tall in terms of height.

Basketball analyst & sportscaster
Basketball Misspokements Sports

I'd spend six months behind bars to have him on my team.

Canadian hockey player & broadcaster
Hockey Sports

I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

My sport is about 90 percent strength and 40 per cent technique.

Wrist-wrestling champion
Misspokements Sports

I don’t know that my behavior has improved all that much with age; they just found someone worse.

American professional tennis player
Sports

In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan; of course, he would have been only 12 years old.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Sports

The series is already won, but I don’t know by which team.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Fairway: A narrow strip of closely mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Hockey is figure skating in a war zone

Hockey Sports

With the Cardinals everybody would be reading the business section to see what their stocks were doing. You get to this locker room (Pirates) in the morning and everybody is looking at the sports page to see if Hulk Hogan won.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Everybody knows that I have been pumping Martin Leslie for a couple of seasons now.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

It hurt to even bump into him.

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

You have to give Pete credit for what he's accomplished; he never went to college and the only book he ever read was The Pete Rose Story.

Ex-wife of Pete Rose
Baseball Sports Success

High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing… everything else is just figure skating. 

Hockey Sports

In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one.


Sports Wordplay