Subject: Sports (Page 17)

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

Why ask me? You've asked me two times already and paid no atention to what I said. So pick your own goddam club!

Golf Sports

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

First year, a .500 season – second year, a conference championship – third year, undefeated – fourth year, a national championship – and in the fifth year, we’ll be on probation, of course.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
Football Sports Success

I'm sorry, sir, I'm not permitted to gamble.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Football Sports

Always remember one thing: From the time the game starts until it ends, you and I are the only sane men on the ice.

professional ice hockey referee
Hockey Sports

The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.

American baseball player
Baseball Science/Weather Sports Time

I told her they must be all sold out.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Arrive at the net with the puck and in ill humor.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

Larry Holmes didn't beat me — he just won the first 15 rounds.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

There are three things that go on a fighter, first your reflexes go, then your chin goes, and then your friends go.

1922 – 2006) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

sports commentator
Golf Misspokements Sports

Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Age Baseball Old Sports

Tommy Smith wasn’t born, he was quarried.

Scottish football player & manager
Sports

Our offense is like the Pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!

American basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

It would be unprintable on television.

English cricketer
Misspokements Sports

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Age Golf Sports

I wouldn’t play the French at marbles, never mind Rugby League. All we will ever learn off them is how to fight and spit and bite each other.

Rugby coach
Sports

There have been more cheap shots in this game than a Mexican cantina during happy hour.

Canadian hockey announcer
Hockey Sports

A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can’t hit one another. 

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Hockey Sports