Subject: Sports (Page 19)

I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating; I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

There’s nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

It shows what you can accomplish if you stay up all night drinking whiskey all the time.

Restaurant owner
Baseball Sports

I’m undisputed. There's no disputing that.

British and Canadian boxing champion
Boxing Misspokements Sports

Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Let’s face it, sports writers, we’re not hanging around with brain surgeons.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Intelligence People Sports

It was gone before it got outta here; it was going that fast.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I don't mind the title fight going out at three in the morning. Everyone in Glasgow fights at three in the morning.

Boxing Sports

Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker, now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand.

BBC commentator
Misspokements Sports

Fans never fall asleep at our games because they're afraid they might get hit with a pass.

American basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog.

British auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.

professional hockey coach
Hockey Misspokements Sports

The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.

professional basketball player & coach
Misspokements Sports

I'm the gooney bird that walked to the bank. I'm doing better than most of those guys who said I was crazy.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Sports

Schumacher has made his final stop three times.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Enos Cabell started here with the Astros… and before that he was with the Orioles.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Sometimes you think they must have come out of the chimp cages at the Bronx zoo.

Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Hockey Sports

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Hockey Sports

You only have to bat 1.000 in two things—flying and heart transplants; everything else, you can go four in five.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Sports