Subject: Sports (Page 20)

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Sports

There seems only one way to beat George Foreman: shell him for three days and then send the infantry in.

(1934 – ) Scottish sports writer
Boxing Sports

Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

Slumps are like a soft bed; they're easy to get into and hard to get out of.

(1947 – ) professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I never knew anybody who said they liked doubleheaders except Ernie Banks, and I think he was lying.

professional baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Mansell handles corners better than Maradona.

Auto racing Signs Sports

The main problem with keeping your eye on the ball is you have to take your eye off your opponent.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf Sports

Before the first Tyson fight, Frank Bruno figures to be the biggest British disaster since the Titanic. Las Vegas will bet you even money Bruno doesn't last the first round. He's 7-1 to lose, 6-1 to get knocked out, he's probably 7-5 to get killed.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

A lot of the people who make these suggestions would have a hard time filling out the application forms to work at 7-Eleven.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.

American football player
Football Sports

I used to play golf with a guy who cheated so badly that he once had a hole in one and wrote down zero on his scorecard.

professional golfer
Characteristics Golf Honesty Sports

In golf, I'm one under; one under a tree, one under a rock, and one under a bush…

Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Golf Sports

A lot of good ballgames on tomorrow, but we’re going to be right here with the Cubs and the Mets.

baseball broadcaster
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Statistics and records are baseball talk; they keep records like most times sliding into second base on a Tuesday.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Baseball Football Sports

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Sports Time

My DNA is cheeseburgers.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

Nothing is so bad it can’t be made worse by firing the coach.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Situations Sports

We were tipping off our plays; whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was as pale as a ghost.

professional football executive
Football Misspokements Sports

You know, just once I’d like to hear a player say, ‘Yeah, we were in the game – until Jesus made me fumble; he hates our team.’

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Sports