Subject: Sports (Page 22)

On his 916th game as coach at University of Alabama – I've been here so long that when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick.

American basketball coach
Basketball Sports Time

Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Golf Sports

I normally run the 40-yard dash in 4.9, but when a 280-pound guy is chasing me, I run it in 4.6.

American football player
Football Sports

To win in the slowest possible time.

Australian race car driver
Auto racing Sports

Tall men come down to my height when I hit ‘em in the body.

(1895 – 1983) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

I can see the sun okay, and that's 93 million miles away.

American baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

You drive for show, but putt for dough.

South African professional golfer
Golf Sports

If England lose now, they will be leaving the field with their heads between their legs!

English cricketer
Misspokements Sports

I had a lifetime contract, but the administration declared me dead.

Clemson football coach
Football Sports

Golf is the only game in which a precise knowledge of the rules can earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship.

Irish journalist & author
Golf Sports

Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle – once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

It’s not Terry Holmes that Bradford needs – it’s Sherlock.

Rugby coach
Sports

She’s not [runner] Ben Johnson… but then, who is.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

Rugby is a game for the mentally deficient… that is why it was invented by the British. Who else but an Englishman could invent an oval ball?

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Sports

My God, kids today think that the laces are for tying up the gloves.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

I don't know what kind of test they can give him; he's delirious half the time anyway.

American basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Dave Wottle has completely misjudged this race… and here comes Wottle!

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

Well, I guess I was just in the right place at the right time.

Dominican baseball player
Baseball Sports

Bert's wallet is like an onion. Any time he opens it, he starts crying.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf Sports

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports