Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 22)
We can't win at home and we can't win on the road. My problem as general manager is I can't think of another place to play.
Pat Williams
(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Basketball
Sports
On a 17-game Orlando Magic losing streak
No one hit home runs the way Babe (Ruth) did… they were something special… they were like homing pigeons; the ball would leave the bat, pause briefly, suddenly gain its bearings, then take off for the stands.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Babe Ruth
Home runs
Think?… how the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Intelligence
Sports
Thinking
Yogi-isms
Hitting
Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sports
Cricket
The Queen's Park Oval -– as its name suggests, absolutely round!
Tony Cozier
cricket commentator
Misspokements
Sports
Cricket
We used to pray the White Sox and the Cubs would merge so Chicago would have only one bad team.
Tom Dreesen
American comedian
Baseball
Sports
Going into a game against Lew Alcindor [later Kareem Abdul-Jabbar] is like going into a knife fight and finding there's no blade in your handle.
Bill Fitch
basketball coach
Basketball
Sports
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Lew Alcindor
Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Sports
Knees
The quarterback’s spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
Dennis Miller
(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Football
Situations
Sports
Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age
Characteristics
Men
People
Sports
Super Bowl
Sometimes you think they must have come out of the chimp cages at the Bronx zoo.
Gerry Cheevers
Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Hockey
Sports
On New York hockey fans
To finish first, you must first finish.
Rick Mears
American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf
Sports
Jewelry
Sammy Davis Jr.
Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues.
Jerry Coleman
(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
This is not even close to what I envisioned a no-hitter would be.
Andy Hawkins
American baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
After pitching a no-hitter but losing 4-0 after his team committed three errors in the 8th inning
Boxing is just show business with blood.
Frank Bruno
English boxer
Boxing
Sports
Wally Dallenbach's like a kite without a tail out there.
Buddy Baker
American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
Wally Dallenbach
There are two reasons for making a hole in one; the first is that it is immensely labor-saving.
H.I. Phillips
Golf
Sports
Hole-in-one
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance
Body
Fat
Hockey
Have another donut you fat pig!
Jim Schoenfeld
Canadian hockey player & general manager
Hockey
Sports
To referee Don Koharski
That picture was taken out of context.
Jeff Innis
professional baseball player
Misspokements
Sports
Page 22 of 125
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