Subject: Sports (Page 25)

Rugby is a game for the mentally deficient… that is why it was invented by the British. Who else but an Englishman could invent an oval ball?

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Sports

Son, nobody is half as good as Mickey Mantle.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Golf Sports

His detractors faulted him for over managing and for giving more signs than the Coast Guard.

baseball writer
Baseball Sports

Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula… and it took a 7 to do that.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

Third base is certainly a reactionary position.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Mexicans are always tough with lots of heart; Koreans raw and gritty; the poor British tend to stand up straight and take it on the chops, bleeding almost before the opening bell.

Canadian sportswriter
Boxing People Sports

I want little conversation and lots of hair on the floor.

(1923 – 2013) American professional football coach
Football Sports

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Baseball Sports Time

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.

(1966 – ) American journalist & novelist
Hockey Sports

Frank Bruno says I'm chicken. Well you can tell him I've come home to roost.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

If officials called every penalty they saw, there would be no players on the ice and no one in the rink.

professional hockey referee
Hockey Sports

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Situations Sports

Since I've retired, I eat less, weigh less, train less and care less.

American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

I can close any cut in the world in 50 seconds, so long as it ain't a total beheading.

boxing cut-man
Boxing Sports

My best score ever was 103. But I've only been playing fifteen years.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Golf Sports

Cleveland is trying to win the championship and Detroit has one foot in Cancun.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Football Sports

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf… I think it was my ex-wife.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf Sports