Subject: Sports (Page 26)

My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies – one to walk the left rough, one for the right rough, and one down the middle. And the one down the middle doesn't have much to do.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Like they say, it ain’t over till the fat guy swings.

professional baseball player
Baseball Malaprops Sports

A rematch with Mike Tyson is as attractive as Sam Fox and Maria Whittaker put together.

English boxer
Boxing Sports

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me; I want all the kids to copulate me.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

Your clubs.

(1916 – 1987) television actor & comedian
Golf Sports

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of golf, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

Boxing writers are the only people out there who have less constructive jobs than what I do; I don't do nothing but hit people, and those mothers don't do nothing but write about what I do!

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

I never make predictions and I never will.

English football player
Misspokements Sports

Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it; then you hit it again.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

A good coach needs a patient wife, a loyal dog and a great quarterback, but not necessarily in that order.

(1927 – ) American football coach
Football Sports

There is someone warming up in the Giants’ bullpen, but he’s obscured by his number.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Are you any relation to your brother Marv?

basketball player
Misspokements Sports

The decathlon is nine Mickey Mouse events and the 1500 metres.

English distance runner
Sports

Nobody remembers the guy who finished second but the guy who finished second.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Remember the rules to dodgeball? … If you're fat or have glasses, don’t show up because you’ll die.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sports

Reporter to Brett Hull: If you were a tree, what kind of a tree would you be?

Hull: Shoe

Canadian-born American hockey player
Hockey Sports

I made a collect call to the Lions after they drafted me and they wouldn’t accept it.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Football Sports

Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Marriage Sports

John Conteh has a neck like a stately home staircase.

English boxer
Appearance Body Boxing Sports