Subject: Sports (Page 28)

The trouble with officials is they just don't care who wins.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Sports

When you the man who beat the man who was the man… well, then you ‘The Man.’

American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Being traded is like celebrating your hundredth birthday… it might not be the happiest occasion in the world, but consider the alternative.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

sports commentator
Golf Misspokements Sports

Tonight, we're honoring one of the all-time greats in baseball, Stan Musial; he's immoral.

professional baseball player
Malaprops Sports

Gerry Cooney can't fight to keep warm.

Boxing press agent
Boxing Sports

And Referee Richie Powers called the loose bowel foul on Johnson.

American sportscaster
Sports

Why waltz 10 rounds with an opponent if you can KO him in one?

American boxing champion
Boxing

The toughest call an umpire has to make is not the half-swing; the toughest call is throwing a guy out of the game after you blew the hell out of the play.

American baseball umpire
Baseball Mistakes Problems Sports

After a heavy reverse – It was an 'AW game. We were AWful and they were AWesome.

Basketball Sports

Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re good at it, you deserve a medal.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Sex Sports

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Activities Golf Sports

We didn't lose many games, and we never lost a party.

American football player
Football Sports

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer Food/Drink Golf Sports

How would you like it in your job if every time you made a small mistake, a red light went on over your desk and 15,000 people stood up and yelled at you?

professional hockey goalie
Hockey Sports

I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.

professional football player & broadcaster
Misspokements Sports

Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines.

Tennessee football player
Football Sports

I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating; I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

There is an old saying: If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

If you screw things up in tennis, it's 15-love. If you screw up in boxing, it's your ass.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Football Sports