Subject: Sports (Page 3)

I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating; I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

The only really unplayable lie I can think of is when you're supposed to be playing golf and come home with lipstick on your collar.

(1929 – 2016) American golfer
Golf Sports

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Basketball Sports

It gets late out there early.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Yogi-isms

I used to pray to the Lord every night to make me a hockey player. Of course, I forgot to mention the NHL so I spent 16 years in the minors.

Canadian hockey player, coach & commentator
Hockey Sports

I used to play sports; then I realized you can buy trophies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Sports

I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher; he said, ‘Dave Wehrmeister’s got 11 letters… is that a big enough name for you?

White Sox owner
Baseball Misspokements

Turner looks a bit shaky and unsteady, but I think he's going to bat on – one ball left.

Sports

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I came from a dirt farm, now I'm filthy rich.

American boxing champion
Boxing Money Sports

I’ll never make the mistake of being 70 again.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Baseball Old Sports

I've had 117 fights and that's the first time I've ever won.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Conflict Fights Sports

Distance running to a professional athlete in my day was five laps around the field. And you stopped each lap to take your pulse.

American football player
Football Sports

And there’s no damage to the car… except to the car itself.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Misspokements Sports

When he gets mad, it's like he's in another world. He'll look at you with those big eyes and they'll be going around in circles.

professional hockey player
Hockey Sports

I ruined my hands in the ring… the referee kept stepping on them.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Football Sports

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.

(1923 – 2013) American professional football coach
Sports

… another dropped out when diarrhea slowed him to the point of elimination.

Cycling commentator
Misspokements Sports

I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Golf Sports

You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game and if that isn’t enough, in the second half, you have to give what is left.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Yogi-isms