Sports | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Sports (Page 30)

Naseem Hamed is naturally fit. I've seen more fat on a butcher's apron.

Reg Gutteridge

English boxing journalist & commentator

After indulging in some heavy, late-night research with scholarly friends, Bobby was driving back to his hotel, innocently enough, when he was sideswiped by several empty cars lurking at curbside.

Blackie Sherrod

(1919 – ) American sportswriter

Football Sports On quarterback Bobby Layne’s traffic accident

My nose didn't move… it definitely had position.

Danny Schayes

American basketball player

Basketball Sports After his nose took an elbow from Hakeem Olajuwon

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.

Steve Rushin

(1966 – ) American journalist & novelist

Hockey Sports

I was like a pig with a wristwatch.

Buddy Baker

American auto racer

Auto racing Sports On the Gibson guitar he won at a race in Nashville

I'm not the manager because I'm always right, but I'm always right because I'm the manager.

Gene Mauch

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager

Baseball Sports Managing

It is committee meetings, called huddles, separated by outburst of violence.

George Will

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor

Football Sports Committee meetings

This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.

Ted Walsh

horse racing trainer & commentator

Misspokements Sports Horse racing

Problem with [John] Wockenfuss getting on base is that it takes three doubles to score him.

Sparky Anderson

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager

Baseball Sports Speed

(He) simply lost that sun-blown popup.

Jerry Coleman

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Baseball Misspokements Sports

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.

Baseball Basketball Football Hockey Sports Violence

My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.

Andy Van Slyke

baseball player

Baseball Sports On the biggest adjustment from the minor leagues

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

John Madden

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

Activities Sports Coaching Rules

They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.

Willie Carson

Scottish jockey

Sports On how jockeys prepare for a big race

The three important elements of hockey are: forecheck, backcheck and paycheck.

Gil Perreault

Canadian hockey player

Hockey Sports

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit.

Marsha Warfield

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian

Baseball Situations Sports Spitting

I guess I’d better send my fingers to Cooperstown.

Dennis Lamp

baseball player

Baseball Sports After surrendering Lou Brock’s 3000 base hit

When I am right, no one remembers. When I am wrong, no one forgets.

Doug Harvey

American baseball umpire

Baseball Sports Umpires

I want to be the fastest woman in the world… in a manner of speaking.

Shirley Muldowney

American woman drag racer

Auto racing Sports Women

The only good thing about playing for Cleveland is you don't have to make road trips there.

Richie Scheinblum

American baseball player

Baseball Places Sports Cleveland

Our offense is like the Pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!

Shaquille O'Neal