Subject: Sports (Page 32)

In order to resemble William Perry, we have rented a Winnebago for our offensive line to practice against.

American football player, coach & college athletics administrator
Football Sports

We didn't lose many games, and we never lost a party.

American football player
Football Sports

There were no scores below single figures.

Australian cricketer & commentator
Misspokements Sports

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked to join the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Sports

His face looks like a closed fist.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Appearance Baseball Sports

Charles joined my family for a day at the beach and my children asked if they could go into the ocean; I had to tell them “Not right now kids, Charles is using it.”

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Basketball Sports

I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out of the hamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?


Appearance Body Fat Sports

My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Opening games make me nervous; to tell the truth, I’d rather open with our second game.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Misspokements Sports

Hornets Will Accent Throwing Game in ’81

Headlines Sports

You're damn right I know where I am! I'm in Madison Square Garden getting the sh*t kicked out of me.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

Optimistically, you hope someday you’ll be in a magazine. Of course, your mom hopes it’s Sports Illustrated or something like that.

American hockey player & coach
Hockey Sports

This players getting taller thing is getting out of hand. What we need to do is sink the baskets into the floor at each end of the court and recruit midgets.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Entertainment Misspokements Sports Television

Goaltenders are three sandwiches shy of a picnic. From the moment primitive man lurched erect, he survived on the principle that when something hard and potentially lethal comes toward you at great velocity, get the hell out of it's path.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I believe in rules… sure I do; if there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Characteristics Sports

You used to think if the score was 5-0, he'd hit a five-run home run.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports