Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 35)
That picture was taken out of context.
Jeff Innis
professional baseball player
Misspokements
Sports
One of the finest sights in the world: the other man's ball dropping in the water – preferably so that he can see it but cannot quite reach it and has therefore to leave it there, thus rendering himself so mad that he loses the next hole as well.
Henry Longhurst
British golf writer & commentator
Golf
Sports
She’s not [runner] Ben Johnson… but then, who is.
David Coleman
(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs
Misspokements
Sports
Running
You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Body
Sports
On 300+ pound Oliver Miller
Football is easy, if you're crazy as hell.
Bo Jackson
American football player
Football
Sports
Vicodin and vodka — the breakfast of champions.
George Allen
(1918 – 1990) football coach
Football
Sports
On cutting defense tackle John Matuszak
I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson.
Mike Tyson
(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Characteristics
Sports
To the Nevada State Athletic Commission
American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.
Sue Lawley
(1946 – ) English broadcaster
Football
Sports
Rugby
You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you.
Roy Campanella
American baseball player
Baseball
Characteristics
Sports
You can always spot a motorcycle racer in a restaurant; he's the one gripping his fork with the first two fingers of his left hand.
Kenny Roberts
American motorcycle racer
Sports
Motorcycle racing
Colin Meads is the kind of player you expect to see emerging from a ruck with the remains of a jockstrap between his teeth.
Tom O'Reilly
Papua New Guinean rugby player
Sports
Colin Meads
Rugby
I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities
Age
Golf
Old
Sports
Time
Handicaps
Roman numerals
I'd trade Larry Murphy for a shaved monkey who could skate and a bucket of pucks.
An angry Toronto Maple Leafs fan
Hockey
Sports
Larry Murphy
Jimmy Hill: Don’t sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?
Venables: I think it’s fifty-fifty.
Terry Venables
English football player & manager
Misspokements
Sports
Chances
Odds
The 49ers were so badly flattened that they didn't
fly
back to San Francisco, they were faxed.
Scott Ostler
American sports columnist
Football
Sports
Defeat
On a 1993 football playoff loss
Muhammad Ali was on a plane when a stewardess asked him to fasten his seat belt. Ali told the lady: Superman don't need no seat belt.
The stewardess told the champ: Superman don't need no plane!
Muhammad Ali
(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Sports
Flying
Golf is the only game in which a precise knowledge of the rules can earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship.
Patrick Campbell
Irish journalist & author
Golf
Sports
Rules
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age
Golf
Sports
There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics; Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.
Margaret Thatcher
(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Basketball
Government
Politics
Sports
Michael Jordan
The Mexicans… these tiny little men from South America.
Harry Carpenter
British sports commentator
Boxing
Misspokements
People
Sports
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities
Golf
Sports
Good walk
Spoiled
Page 35 of 125
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