Subject: Sports (Page 35)

That picture was taken out of context.

professional baseball player

One of the finest sights in the world: the other man's ball dropping in the water – preferably so that he can see it but cannot quite reach it and has therefore to leave it there, thus rendering himself so mad that he loses the next hole as well.

British golf writer & commentator

She’s not [runner] Ben Johnson… but then, who is.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Football is easy, if you're crazy as hell.

American football player

Vicodin and vodka — the breakfast of champions.

(1918 – 1990) football coach

I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.

(1946 – ) English broadcaster

You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you.

American baseball player

You can always spot a motorcycle racer in a restaurant; he's the one gripping his fork with the first two fingers of his left hand.

American motorcycle racer

Colin Meads is the kind of player you expect to see emerging from a ruck with the remains of a jockstrap between his teeth.

Papua New Guinean rugby player

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I'd trade Larry Murphy for a shaved monkey who could skate and a bucket of pucks.

Jimmy Hill: Don’t sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?

Venables: I think it’s fifty-fifty.

English football player & manager

The 49ers were so badly flattened that they didn't fly back to San Francisco, they were faxed.

American sports columnist

Muhammad Ali was on a plane when a stewardess asked him to fasten his seat belt. Ali told the lady: Superman don't need no seat belt.
The stewardess told the champ: Superman don't need no plane!

(1942 – ) American boxing champion

Golf is the only game in which a precise knowledge of the rules can earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship.

Irish journalist & author

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics; Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician

The Mexicans… these tiny little men from South America.

British sports commentator

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist