Subject: Sports (Page 40)

Las Vegas is the oasis of outstretched palms.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Boxing Money Sports Wordplay

If you keep your opposition on their ass, they don’t score goals.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

It was fun until a kid came up to me and said, “My dad says you're getting old, you're going to die, and your autograph will be valuable.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

When you win, say nothing; when you lose, say less.

professional football coach
Communication Speech Sports

If a guy is a good fastball hitter, does that mean I should throw him a bad fastball?

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

Here’s a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

Walk him and face the next guy.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them; golf is more complicated than that.

(1927 – 1998) American professional golfer
Death Golf Sports

When you say you're a padre, people ask when did you become a parent. When you say you're a cardinal, they tell you to work hard because the next step is pope. But when you say you're a Dodger, everybody knows you're in the Major Leagues.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports

As a person gets older he doesn't get faster. Our quarterback will run from fright or lack of protection.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Sex is the poor man’s polo.

(1906 – 1963) playwright, screenwriter & socialist
Sex Sports

There are only two plays that I know, Romeo and Juliet and put the damn ball in the basket.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American basketball coach & executive
Education Football School Sports

Eating will now be an entirely new ball game. I might have to buy a new pair of trousers.

English jockey
Appearance Eating Sports

We get no respect. Everybody we play on the road has made us their homecoming game.

Indiana University football coach & sports commentator
Football Sports

The only difference between the [Phoenix] Coyotes and Days of Our Lives is that nobody has been shot on our team yet.

professional hockey player
Hockey Sports

Remember: Super Bowl is the biggest day of the year for pizza delivery… so no matter what happens in the game, Peyton Manning wins.

(1974 – ) American comedian & impressionist
Football Sports

I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher; he said, ‘Dave Wehrmeister’s got 11 letters… is that a big enough name for you?

White Sox owner
Baseball Misspokements

I didn't mind if they yelled at me, but when they came on the field, it was a different story.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Sports

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

When we’re competing for the Stanley Cup, this record won’t mean a thing.

professional hockey player
Misspokements Sports