Subject: Sports (Page 46)

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

If there’s a pileup, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.

(1919 – 2006) American sports announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

You can't see a digital clock because there isn't one.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

My father looked at the check and then told the scout, 'Throw in another hundred and you can take the rest of the family.'

baseball player
Baseball Money Sports

Allen S. Sothoron pitched his initials off yesterday.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

Colleges spend more money on the promotion of the Heisman than the Pentagon spends on toilets.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Education Football Sports

Tennis is like marrying for money; ‘love’ means nothing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Emotions Love Marriage Sports

Call them pros, call them mercenaries – but in fact they are just grown-up kids who have learned on the frozen creek or flooded corner lot that hockey is the greatest thrill of all.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I told him I wasn’t tired; he told me, ‘No, but the outfielders sure are.’

professional baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

For Michigan fans, football is a religion. And the Ohio State game is Easter.

(1948 – 2003) American actor
Football Sports TV/Movie Quotes

The faster he goes, the quicker he’ll get to the pits; the slower he goes, the longer it will take.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports Time

Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

On this team, we are all united in a common goal: to keep my job.

(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football Sports

The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Activities Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

We stunk… we blocked bad… we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible; I saw nothing that delighted me, though we ran on the field fairly well.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

There have been more cheap shots in this game than a Mexican cantina during happy hour.

Canadian hockey announcer
Hockey Sports

He can’t decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Activities Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentlemen's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.

Football Sports

 You mean in the state?

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

To win, you've got to put the ball in the macramé.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

Villeneuve is now twelve seconds ahead of Villeneuve.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports