Subject: Sports (Page 46)

The three things I fear most in golf are lightening, Ben Hogan, and a downhill putt.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

In his prime, Joe Bugner had the physique of a Greek statue, but he had fewer moves.

(1934 – ) Scottish sports writer
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Gossage puts guys like me on his cereal for breakfast. He's the most intimidating pitcher I've ever seen.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Trade him for a six pack — it doesn't even have to be cold.

Philadelphia Eagles coach
Football Sports

I make no apologies for their absence… I’m sorry they’re not here.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Misspokements Sports

I guess I'll have to gain 60 pounds, start smoking a cigar and wear clothes that don't match.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

If you believe that [Anna Kournikova's claim that she is a virgin], I've never questioned a call in my life.

American professional tennis player
Sex Sports

When you win, say nothing; when you lose, say less.

professional football coach
Communication Speech Sports

No comment.

professional basketball player
Misspokements Sports

Frank Bruno has a chin of such pure Waterford crystal; it gives rise to the old adage that people who live in glass jaws shouldn't throw punches. The biggest danger in fighting Bruno is that you might get hit by flying glass.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

Bert's wallet is like an onion. Any time he opens it, he starts crying.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

You hate to lose your teeth and the game, too.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Most of my clichés aren’t original.

football coach
Misspokements Sports

Years ago we had the Raging Bull, Jake LaMotta. Today, we've got the Raging Bullshit, Bruce Strauss.

boxing matchmaker
Boxing Sports

It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
Football Sports

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Basketball People Rednecks Sports

That was a great shot – if they’d put the pin there today.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

When I told my wife UConn would win the Big East tournament, she wanted to know why a team from Alaska got into the Big East tournament.

American sportswriter
Basketball Sports

Give Chris a finger like I did and she’ll take the whole hand.

German professional tennis player
Sports

It is committee meetings, called huddles, separated by outburst of violence.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Football Sports