Subject: Sports (Page 49)

Baseball and malaria keep coming back.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

Hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game, it’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sex Sports

Since then we've changed the locks.

Mayor of Scranton PA
Boxing Sports

No captain with all the hindsight in the world can predict how the wicket is going to play.

British sports commentator
Misspokements Sports

My only feeling about superstition is that it’s unlucky to be behind at the end of the game.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Sports

I’m too lazy to work and too scared to steal.

professional baseball player
Baseball Characteristics Sports Work

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

There were no scores below single figures.

Australian cricketer & commentator
Misspokements Sports

Why, they shot the wrong McKinley!

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

Going into a game against Lew Alcindor [later Kareem Abdul-Jabbar] is like going into a knife fight and finding there's no blade in your handle.

basketball coach
Basketball Sports

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week; Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

(1949 – ) American Olympic athlete
Activities People Situations Sports

I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation; I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.

Nebraska football coach
Football Sports

John Daly's longer than Greg Norman… he’s even longer than War and Peace.

American sports columnist
Golf Sports

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season… one word and one word only – Super Bowl.

football coach
Football Misspokements Sports

I went to church the other day to pray for our pitchers… but there wasn't enough candles.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports

The bum was up and down so many times I thought he was an Otis elevator.

boxing trainer & manager
Boxing Sports

My sport is about 90 percent strength and 40 per cent technique.

Wrist-wrestling champion
Misspokements Sports

I’m not an athlete; I’m a professional baseball player.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

My face is my mask.

Canadian professional hockey goalie
Hockey Sports