Subject: Sports (Page 49)

Basketball has so much showboating you'd think it was invented by Jerome Kern.

American sportswriter
Basketball Sports

I've seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.

(1947 – ) professional baseball player
Baseball Occupations Sex Sports Work

The Rock didn't know too much about the boxing book, but it wasn't a book he hit me with. It was a whole library of bone crushers.

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Butch Lewis is making no attempt to get out of the corner… and is hanging his chin out like a lantern in a storm.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Boxing Sports

There were no scores below single figures.

Australian cricketer & commentator
Misspokements Sports

Fernando Valenzuela is the pitcher whose name sounds like a mailing address in the Lower Andes.

American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

Larry Lintz steals second standing up… he slid, but he didn’t have to.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The A's leave after this game for Cleveland. It was only by a 13-12 vote that they decided to go.

Oakland A's announcer
Baseball Places Sports

Passin’ Earnhardt is like trying to take a bone out of a Pit Bull’s mouth.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Sports

I walk into the clubhouse and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic; we have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol and by the seventh inning he had drunk it all.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports

With so many Super Bowl rings, maybe they'll all retire and go into the jewelry business.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

He [Magic Johnson] comes into the league with all that fancy stuff and they call it magic; I’ve been doing it for years and they call it schoolyard.

professional basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

I broke in with four hits and the writers promptly declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb… it took me only a few days to correct that impression.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball People Self Sports

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula… and it took a 7 to do that.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

And the first five places are filled by five different cars.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

He can make the ball look so small that you're not even sure why there's a practical reason for being up there.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

I wish you were a statue and I were a pigeon.

Stephen Gascoigne (1878 – 1942) Australian sports fan & heckler
Sports

Next up is Fernando Gonzales, who is not playing tonight.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports