Subject: Sports (Page 5)

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Auto racing Sports

Oh God, if there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain.


Sports

Ed, you're the second best umpire in the league… the other twenty-three are tied for first.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I always have this dream that the guy coming in last for diving is going to do a cannonball for our amusement. – Olympic Diving

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sports

You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Basketball Sports

I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Golf Sports

Sportscaster: The extra point is no good!

Robert Scott: Then it isn’t an extra point, is it?

Football Misspokements Sports

I try to play golf at least once a day.

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Football Golf Sports

The older you get the stronger the wind gets… and it's always in your face.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf Old Science/Weather Sports

He’s about the size of a lot of guys that size.

football coach
Football Misspokements Sports

Sure… I’m proud to be an American.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

There are four different cars filling the first four places.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

I think that the team that wins game five will win the series… unless we lose game five.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

Everything was fine until I slid left and ran out of talent!

the 'father of drag racing'
Auto racing Sports

They said I was such a great prospect that they were sending me to a winter league to sharpen up.; when I stepped off the plane, I was in Greenland.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Sports

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Sports

Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event.

American comedian
Dating Relationships Sports

I used to think the only use for it [sport] was to give small boys something else to kick besides me.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Sports