Subject: Sports (Page 51)

Being an umpire is like being a king… it prepares you for nothing.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

His detractors faulted him for over managing and for giving more signs than the Coast Guard.

baseball writer
Baseball Sports

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

I got hit in the head pretty hard. My clock ran backwards for two years.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

That's the fastest time ever run – but it's not as fast as the world record.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

That gal's all skull and no brains. She's like Joe Frazier with lipstick.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

He wants Texas back.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports

The only good thing about playing for Cleveland is you don't have to make road trips there.

American baseball player
Baseball Places Sports

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

He ran out of talent about halfway through the corner.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

This is not even close to what I envisioned a no-hitter would be.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

Basketball players get the girls, hockey players take them home.

Hockey Sports

He's the only guy I know who can go 4 for 3.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

What’s nice about the Senior Tour, is you can’t remember your bad shots.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

This players getting taller thing is getting out of hand. What we need to do is sink the baskets into the floor at each end of the court and recruit midgets.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

With the Cardinals everybody would be reading the business section to see what their stocks were doing. You get to this locker room (Pirates) in the morning and everybody is looking at the sports page to see if Hulk Hogan won.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Rocky Marciano didn't know enough boxing to know what a feint was. He never tried to out-guess you. He just kept trying to knock your brains out.

American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

You have to have a catcher because if you don’t you’re likely to have a lot of passed balls.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Misspokements Sports

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Basketball People Rednecks Sports

The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he's really two midgets Scotch-taped together.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Sports