Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 53)
Gentlemen, start your coffins.
Jim Murray
(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Auto racing
Sports
Of the Indianapolis 500 auto race
Ronald Reagan has held the two most demeaning jobs in the country; President of the United States and radio broadcaster for the Chicago Cubs.
George Will
(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Baseball
President
Broadcaster
Chicago Cubs
Ronald Reagan
Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines.
Charlie Teague
Tennessee football player
Football
Sports
Describing a running back
I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional… then it was too late.
Steve Melnyk
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Success
Why waltz 10 rounds with an opponent if you can KO him in one?
Rocky Marciano
American boxing champion
Boxing
Knock outs
Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.
John-Luke Abi Roberts
British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Golf
Sports
Give each guy on the line an ax.
Alex Karras
(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Football
Sports
On the best way to stop fullback Jim Brown
He is a very dangerous bowler… innocuous, if you like.
David Lloyd
cricket coach
Misspokements
Sports
Cricket
Discussing Chris Harris
You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.
Tommy Bolt
(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Not intentionally, but I sweat easily.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Pitching
When asked if he ever threw a spitball
We may have broken rules … but we did not cheat.
Jim Calhoun
Connecticut basketball coach
Basketball
Sports
On an NCAA investigation into alleged recruiting violations
Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.
Lee Trevino
(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Caddies
A hot dog at the ballpark beats roast beef at the Ritz.
Humphrey Bogart
(1899 – 1957) film actor
Baseball
Food/Drink
Sports
Hot Dogs
One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.
Joe Garagiola
(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball
Sports
Chicago Cubs
If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are.
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
It couldn't have happened to a greater guy… well, yes, it could have happened to me.
Tommy Lasorda
Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball
Sports
After Jerry Reuss pitched a no-hitter
Gerry Cooney can't fight to keep warm.
Irving Rudd
Boxing press agent
Boxing
Sports
Gerry Cooney
You have to wonder what kind of chemical reactions were taking place inside Walker’s head when he said these things.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Speech
Sports
You either have to finesse 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty, or 11 who weren't smart enough to play offense.
Steve Fuller
Clemson quarterback
Football
Sports
On deciding between football or law school
It actually giggles at you as it goes by.
Rick Monday
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On Phil Niekro's knuckleball
Why should I have become elevated to a position of first-page importance merely because I am somewhat more dexterous than most in manipulating a contrivance of catgut and wood which is commonly called a tennis racquet?
Mary K. Brown
first American female professional tennis player
Sports
Success
Celebrity
Tennis
Tennis racquet
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