Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 53)
I get worried when a guy goes down, in case he doesn't get up – for me to hit him again.
Nigel Benn
British boxer
Boxing
Sports
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.
H.G. Wells
(1866 – 1946) English author
Appearance
Body
Golf
Sports
Legs
All the Padres need is a flyball in the air.
Jerry Coleman
(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
When the camera focuses on a male athlete he will spit, pick or scratch.
Wagner's Law of Sports Coverage
Murphy’s Laws
Sports
Athletes
Hollywood made a movie of my life; the film had me proposing to my wife on the football field… I would never misuse a football field that way.
Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch
American football player
Football
Hollywood
Places
Sports
The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up.
Bob Uecker
(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball
Sports
Knuckleballs
I’m traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop #85.
Chad Johnson
professional football player (#85)
Football
Misspokements
Sports
But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 102.
Dave Marr
professional golfer
Golf
Heat
Science/Weather
Sports
On a 104 degree temperature
Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
Jerry Coleman
(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
You'll pardon me gentlemen if I make the fight short. I have a train to catch.
Sam Langford
Canadian boxer
Boxing
Sports
Before one of his boxing matches to the the crowd – he then knocked out his opponent in the first round and promptly left for the station – and caught the train!
It sure didn't make me the million dollars people said it would, but it sure made my ex-wife happy.
Bobby Unser
American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
On winning the Indy 500
This type of injury is very painful. Especially when it hurts.
Jean Perron
Canadian hockey coach
Hockey
Misspokements
Sports
Injuries
I was so bad at it, [golf] they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf
Sports
Ticks
The place was cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck.
Andre Dawson
professional baseball player
Baseball
Hockey
Sports
On his time in Montreal
When you hear someone shout "You da man" – if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man.
Ron Green
newspaper sports columnist
Golf
Sports
Arnold Palmer
Underdog, overdog, hotdog; I guess you want to be an underdog – but an underdog with the best team.
John McKay
(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football
Sports
On being an underdog in a playoff game
Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.
Stormont Mancroft
British politician
People
Sports
Time
Cricket
Eternity
Morant was courtmartialed and executed by the British – charged with killing Boer prisoners.
Yankees' owner George Steinbrenner is a first-and-ten capitalist in a bunt-and-run world.
Thomas Boswell
American sportswriter
Baseball
Communication
Sports
Criticism
George Steinbrenner
A sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today’s Grand Prix.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
On his 916th game as coach at University of Alabama – I've been here so long that when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick.
Wimp Sanderson
American basketball coach
Basketball
Sports
Time
Dead Sea
A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins, the other team loses.
(Bob Costas replied with just, Uh…well…ok.)
Isaiah Thomas
professional basketball player
Basketball
Misspokements
Sports
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