Subject: Sports (Page 53)

I get worried when a guy goes down, in case he doesn't get up – for me to hit him again.

British boxer

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.

(1866 – 1946) English author

All the Padres need is a flyball in the air.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

When the camera focuses on a male athlete he will spit, pick or scratch.

Hollywood made a movie of my life; the film had me proposing to my wife on the football field… I would never misuse a football field that way.

American football player

The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

I’m traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop #85.

professional football player (#85)

But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 102.

professional golfer

Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

You'll pardon me gentlemen if I make the fight short. I have a train to catch.

Canadian boxer

It sure didn't make me the million dollars people said it would, but it sure made my ex-wife happy.

American auto racer

This type of injury is very painful. Especially when it hurts.

Canadian hockey coach

I was so bad at it, [golf] they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

The place was cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck.

professional baseball player

When you hear someone shout "You da man" – if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man. 

newspaper sports columnist

Underdog, overdog, hotdog; I guess you want to be an underdog – but an underdog with the best team.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.

British politician

Yankees' owner George Steinbrenner is a first-and-ten capitalist in a bunt-and-run world.

American sportswriter

A sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today’s Grand Prix.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

On his 916th game as coach at University of Alabama – I've been here so long that when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick.

American basketball coach

A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins, the other team loses.

(Bob Costas replied with just, Uh…well…ok.)

professional basketball player