Subject: Sports (Page 53)

Gentlemen, start your coffins.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

Ronald Reagan has held the two most demeaning jobs in the country; President of the United States and radio broadcaster for the Chicago Cubs.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor

Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines.

Tennessee football player

I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional… then it was too late.

American professional golfer

Why waltz 10 rounds with an opponent if you can KO him in one?

American boxing champion

Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor

Give each guy on the line an ax.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor

He is a very dangerous bowler… innocuous, if you like.

cricket coach

You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

Not intentionally, but I sweat easily.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

We may have broken rules … but we did not cheat.

Connecticut basketball coach

Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

A hot dog at the ballpark beats roast beef at the Ritz.

(1899 – 1957) film actor

One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host

If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

It couldn't have happened to a greater guy… well, yes, it could have happened to me.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager

Gerry Cooney can't fight to keep warm.

Boxing press agent

You have to wonder what kind of chemical reactions were taking place inside Walker’s head when he said these things.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

You either have to finesse 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty, or 11 who weren't smart enough to play offense.

Clemson quarterback

It actually giggles at you as it goes by.

baseball player

Why should I have become elevated to a position of first-page importance merely because I am somewhat more dexterous than most in manipulating a contrivance of catgut and wood which is commonly called a tennis racquet?

first American female professional tennis player