Subject: Sports (Page 57)

You've got to swing that bat; only the mailman walks.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

Alcohol Food/Drink Sports

Defensively, I think it’s important for us to tackle.

professional football player
Football Misspokements Sports

Sean Avery’s got more tongue than a lumberjack’s boot.

Hockey Sports

I’m hoping for a bench clearing brawl during the warm up so I can go out and grab his stick.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Hockey Sports

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Fools Sports

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Everything was fine until I slid left and ran out of talent!

the 'father of drag racing'
Auto racing Sports

Tall men come down to my height when I hit ‘em in the body.

(1895 – 1983) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Cold Football Intelligence Places Sports

Before the first Tyson fight, Frank Bruno figures to be the biggest British disaster since the Titanic. Las Vegas will bet you even money Bruno doesn't last the first round. He's 7-1 to lose, 6-1 to get knocked out, he's probably 7-5 to get killed.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

Incompetence should not be confined to one sex.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Sports

He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I’ve had to overcome a lot of diversity.

professional basketball player
Malaprops Sports

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question… wait a minute, I do have a dollar for every time I've been asked that question.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Situations Sports

In the Moscow Olympics Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion’s race.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

(We Used To Kiss On The Lips, But It’s) All Over Now

Sports

 I’ve told you guys before, goalies don’t think.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Hockey Sports

I was offered a spot in an ad for neutering pets… not exactly what I had in mind.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

Injuries above the neck don’t count.

Australian football coach
Sports

Do you know what I love most about baseball? … the pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt… and that’s just in the hot dogs.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Baseball Food/Drink Sports