Subject: Sports (Page 59)

Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.

If lessons are learned in defeat, as they say, our team is really getting a great education.

American football coach

And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn’t surprising as this is an all Escort race.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Brian London possesses the most unbeautiful face – it looks as if it, at one time, fell apart and was reassembled by a drunken mechanic.

English broadcaster, journalist & author

It was about three-to-one that I was not an SOB.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

I don’t like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator

1. The more tangled your line is, the better the fishing is around you. 2. The time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing season draws nearer. 3. The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Corollary: The more elaborate and costly the equipment, the greater chance of having to stop at the fish market on the way home.

It was better than a couple of years I had.

American baseball player

It’s weird… people say they’re not like apes, but how do you explain football then?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Almighty Sports with Jesus: Featuring a Heavenly Host of Righteous Adventures

I guess I'll have to gain 60 pounds, start smoking a cigar and wear clothes that don't match.

American baseball player

One day Don King will asphyxiate by the force of his own exhaust.

boxing trainer

They can’t hit it while I’m standing here holding it.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

Well the frog men finally got Rosie.

(1925 – ) American professional football player

You want a messenger boy, call Western Union.

American football player

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

It's strange… two guys in shorts competing for a belt; they should, at least, award them slacks or a shirt.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

A manager's job is simple. For one hundred sixty-two games you try not to screw up all that smart stuff your organization did last December.

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

I don't think he'd even be happy with ice cream right now.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator