Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 59)
Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.
Steve Ryder
Golf
Misspokements
Sports
Covering the U.S. Masters
If lessons are learned in defeat, as they say, our team is really getting a great education.
Murray Warmath
American football coach
Education
Football
Sports
And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn’t surprising as this is an all Escort race.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
Brian London possesses the most unbeautiful face – it looks as if it, at one time, fell apart and was reassembled by a drunken mechanic.
Michael Parkinson
English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance
Boxing
Sports
Brian London
Faces
It was about three-to-one that I was not an SOB.
John McKay
(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football
Sports
On fan mail he received as a Tampa Bay coach
I don’t like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him.
Murray Mexted
New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements
Sports
Rugby
1. The more tangled your line is, the better the fishing is around you. 2. The time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing season draws nearer. 3. The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Corollary: The more elaborate and costly the equipment, the greater chance of having to stop at the fish market on the way home.
Porkingham's Laws of Sportfishing
Activities
Murphy’s Laws
Sports
Fishing
It was better than a couple of
years
I had.
Mike Aldrete
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
After a five-RBI game
It’s weird… people say they’re not like apes, but how do you explain football then?
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals
Football
Sports
Apes
Almighty Sports with Jesus: Featuring a Heavenly Host of Righteous Adventures
Sam Stall
Book Titles
Sports
Jesus
I guess I'll have to gain 60 pounds, start smoking a cigar and wear clothes that don't match.
Garth Iorg
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On starting a newspaper column
One day Don King will asphyxiate by the force of his own exhaust.
Carmen Graziano
boxing trainer
Boxing
Sports
Don King
They can’t hit it while I’m standing here holding it.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
His reply to an umpire who asked why he was just standing there and not pitching to a batter
Pitching
Well the frog men finally got Rosie.
Art Donovan
(1925 – ) American professional football player
Football
Informing player Gino Marchetti of the mysterious drowning death of owner Carroll Rosenblum
You want a messenger boy, call Western Union.
Joe Don Looney
American football player
Football
Sports
What the soon to be ex-running back said to head coach Harry Gilmer who wanted him to carry a play into the quarterback
If the
Bible
has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Girls
Sports
TV/Movie Quotes
It's strange… two guys in shorts competing for a belt; they should, at least, award them slacks or a shirt.
Jerry Seinfeld
(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Boxing
Sports
A manager's job is simple. For one hundred sixty-two games you try not to screw up all that smart stuff your organization did last December.
Earl Weaver
(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
Managing
The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Yogi-isms
Teams
Trouble
I don't think he'd even be happy with ice cream right now.
David Feherty
(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf
Sports
After a player’s poor shot
Page 59 of 125
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