Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 59)
Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything.
Jerry Coleman
(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
Fernando Valenzuela is the pitcher whose name sounds like a mailing address in the Lower Andes.
Thomas Boswell
American sportswriter
Baseball
Sports
Fernando Valenzuela
The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.
Pridham's Law of Golf
Golf
Murphy’s Laws
Sports
This players getting taller thing is getting out of hand. What we need to do is sink the baskets into the floor at each end of the court and recruit midgets.
Abe Lemons
(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball
Sports
You have to bear in mind that Mr. Autry's favorite horse was named Champion. He ain't ever had one called Runner Up.
Gene Mauch
(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball
Sports
Team owner Gene Autry
Winning
I told them sandwiches.
George Foreman
(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Entertainment
Food/Drink
Sports
Television
On what he planned on building in an appearance on the TV show "Home Improvement"
There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.
John Madden
(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Alcohol
Health
Misspokements
Sports
Water
My punches are just as hard in Chicago as in New York.
Sonny Liston
American professional boxer
Boxing
Sports
When a boxing match venue was changed to Chicago
The game is too long, the season is too long and the players are too long.
Jack Dolph
American basketball executive
Basketball
Sports
George Chuvalo's best punch is a left cheek to the right glove.
Larry Merchant
American sportswriter
Boxing
Sports
George Chuvalo
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.
Unknown
Golf
Occupations
Sports
Work
Brain surgeons
I think they just got through marinating the greens.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Golf
Sports
Yogi-isms
After playing poor golf
A sense of humor and a good bullpen.
‘Whitey’ Herzog
(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball
Sports
Requirements of a good manager
Sense of humor
The Gullikson twins here; an interesting pair… both from Wisconsin.
Don Masketll
Tennis commentator
Sports
Tennis
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula… and it took a 7 to do that.
Jim Murray
(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf
Sports
1-iron
Driving a race car is like dancing with a chainsaw.
Cale Yarborough
American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit what they call ‘the wall,’ is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx; so here, they combine running and fleeing.
Wayne Federman
(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Exercise
Places
Sports
Running
South Bronx
If we hadn’t given them those first four touchdowns, it might have been different.
H.K. "Cootie" Reeves
American football coach
Football
Misspokements
Sports
On losing a game 53-0
Going into a game against Lew Alcindor [later Kareem Abdul-Jabbar] is like going into a knife fight and finding there's no blade in your handle.
Bill Fitch
basketball coach
Basketball
Sports
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Lew Alcindor
A hot dog at the ballpark beats roast beef at the Ritz.
Humphrey Bogart
(1899 – 1957) film actor
Baseball
Food/Drink
Sports
Hot Dogs
You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you.
Roy Campanella
American baseball player
Baseball
Characteristics
Sports
Page 59 of 125
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