Subject: Sports (Page 63)

I’m a golfer – not an athlete.

professional golfer
Golf Misspokements Sports

He could hit .300 with a fountain pen.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

I was so bad at it, [golf] they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf Sports

You’ll never make a footballer while ever your arse points to the ground.

English football player & manager
Sports

Ronald Reagan has held the two most demeaning jobs in the country; President of the United States and radio broadcaster for the Chicago Cubs.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Baseball President

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

People didn't know the difference between a blue line and a clothes line.

sports announcer
Hockey Sports

Or the day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.

Russian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Intensity is a lot of guys that run fast.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Las Vegas is the oasis of outstretched palms.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Money Places Sports

Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

I led the league in “Go get ‘em next time.”

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Sports

What’s one more torpedo in a sinking ship?

American football player
Football Health Sports

He (Gaylord Perry) should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Health Sports

A road runner taking you through every ditch, every irrigation canal, barbed wire fence and cattle guard.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

An hour after the game, you want to go out and play them again.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach
Baseball Sports

About the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports Success

The only thing I've noticed is that when I come into the locker room, they all bow.

(1956 – ) Czech American tennis player
Sports

He just got me in the right spot. In the small of the back. A good, clean, dirty hit… not that I didn't deserve it.

American hockey player
Hockey Sports

Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

I always have this dream that the guy coming in last for diving is going to do a cannonball for our amusement. – Olympic Diving

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sports