Subject: Sports (Page 65)

 If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get you off.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Sports

Is that the best game you ever pitched?

Baseball Misspokements Sports

Larry Holmes doesn't hit as hard as Earnie Shavers. Nobody hits like Shavers. If anybody hit harder than Shavers, I'd shoot him.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

It’s like flying jet fighters in a gymnasium.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

With so many Super Bowl rings, maybe they'll all retire and go into the jewelry business.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Once a pitcher loses his fastball, he has to go to the garbage.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. It’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed; like when I used to beat Ann Jones, she could hit under them or over them but never through them.

American professional tennis player
Body Sports

Owww… it caught ‘em right in the pants area.

(1958 – ) Canadian hockey player & announcer
Hockey Misspokements Sports

It was further than I thought.

Equatorial Guinea swimmer
Sports

Hell, if KY jelly went off the market, the whole California Angels pitching staff would be out of baseball.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

Fairway: A narrow strip of closely mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

They probably would; I haven't played in twenty years and we're all old now.

professional basketball player, coach & executive
Basketball Sports

A big factor in the game was the number of points scored.

(1939 – ) American football player & coach
Football Misspokements Sports

He's ranked number three in Britain, number four in the world. You can't get any higher!

English darts player
Misspokements Sports

I don’t like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

It would have been a good pass if Harry had been playing for us.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at six o'clock and make it go toward twelve o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

Our strength is that we don’t have any weaknesses; our weakness is that we don’t have any real strengths.

College football coach
Football Sports

I wasn't talking to Holmes in there; every time I felt like saying something to him I found it hard because he kept putting his left hand in my mouth.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

I led the league in “Go get ‘em next time.”

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Sports