Subject: Sports (Page 65)

When Lew was a twenty game winner for the Milwaukee Braves, people needed three columns for his pitching record: won, lost and relative humidity.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

That’s one you can tell your grandchildren about – tomorrow.

American baseball player
Age Baseball Sports

I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

I think that the team that wins game five will win the series… unless we lose game five.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I had to go off the circuit twice to avoid him. I don't know what Rene Arnoux is doing in Formula One racing. He should be on the beach.

Belgian auto racer
Auto racing Sports

I told her they must be all sold out.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I don't mind starting the season with a bunch of unknowns. I just don't like finishing a season with a bunch of them.

(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football Sports

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game, it’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sex Sports

In my time, I've had my knee out, broken my collarbone, had my nose smashed, a rib broken, lost a few teeth, and ricked my back; but as soon as I get a bit of bad luck I'm going to quit the game.

Sports

They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.

Scottish jockey
Sports

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf – "Hittee ball, say damn."

Golf Sports

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

I played golf with a priest the other day. He shot par-par-par-par-par. Finally I said to him, "Father, if you're playing golf like this you haven't been saving many souls lately.”

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

If you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.

Murphy’s Laws Sports Success

And here comes Mika Hakkinen, double world champion twice over.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Hockey is a game played by six good players and a home team.

Hockey Murphy’s Laws Sports

ESPN is like your family, it’s always there: the networks are like your mother-in-law… they are there on the weekends.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Sports Television

I was six foot one inch when I started fighting, but with all the uppercuts I'm up to six foot five inches.

American boxer
Appearance Boxing Sports

The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.

(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football Sports