Subject: Sports (Page 66)

My girlfriend boos when we make love because she knows it turns me on.

Puerto Rican boxer
Boxing Sports

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Golf People Sports

I want little conversation and lots of hair on the floor.

(1923 – 2013) American professional football coach
Football Sports

I don’t know that my behavior has improved all that much with age; they just found someone worse.

American professional tennis player
Sports

We have a great bunch of outside shooters; unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.

basketball coach
Basketball Sports

You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports Yogi-isms

I'd have been more active in there, if only I'd been a little more sober.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

He now floats like an anchor, stings like a moth.

Boxing Sports

If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly; if they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick… same thing.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

I'm happy for him [Gil Hodges]; that is, if you think becoming a big league manager is a good thing to have happen to you.

American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

It's not very often you get to see the Lone Ranger and Toronto in the same night.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports Wordplay

 I want a school my football team can be proud of.

(1905 – 1998) botanist, author & University of Oklahoma president
Education Football Misspokements School Sports

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Baseball Murphy’s Laws Sports

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer Food/Drink Golf Sports

If I was playing third base and my mother rounded third with the winning run, I’d trip her up.

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Family Mothers Sports

I miss America. I miss crime and murder. I miss Philadelphia. There hasn't been a brutal stabbing or anything here the last 24 hours. I've missed it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Places Sports

His detractors faulted him for over managing and for giving more signs than the Coast Guard.

baseball writer
Baseball Sports

A string of good alibis.

professional baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Situations Sports

When Charlie Finley had his heart operation it took eight hours…. seven just to find his heart.

professional baseball pitcher
Baseball Insults Sports

Every time I get injured, my wife ends up pregnant.

Canadian hockey player & general manager
Hockey Sports