Subject: Sports (Page 76)

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me; I want all the kids to copulate me.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

All women tennis players should go on their knees in thankfulness to Suzanne Lenglen for delivering them from the tyranny of corsets.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Clothing Sports

Reporter: What do you think of Tiger Woods?

Lyle: I don’t know; I’ve never played there.

professional golfer
Misspokements Sports

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Golf Sports

I had to pinch myself seeing the grassy knoll and the book suppository building.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Misspokements Sports

I was really enjoying my ride and just thinking how beautiful it was here and the next minute I was picking gravel out of my head.

Australian equestrian rider
Sports

I'd like to see the fairways more narrow; then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.

Spanish professional golfer
Golf Sports

Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it's a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Basketball Sports

Mansell handles corners better than Maradona.

Auto racing Signs Sports

I'm always into a positive black image. Whenever Leon Spinks fights I always pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let them interview Leon on TV.'

American television personality
Boxing People Sports

Being an umpire is like being a king… it prepares you for nothing.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Anglo-Irish golfer
Golf Sports

We’ve lost our last eight matches. The only team that we have beaten is Western Samoa. It’s a good job we didn’t play the whole of Samoa!

Welsh rugby player
Misspokements Sports

He (Gaylord Perry) should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Health Sports

I have nothing to say, and I’ll only say it once.

Hockey coach
Hockey Misspokements Sports

When I asked the baseball writers why they haven't elected me to the Hall of Fame, they told me they thought I was still playing.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Sports

… riding a typical McCoy race where, with five lengths to go, he literally picks up the horse and carries it over the line.

British sports commentator
Misspokements Sports

I feel safer on a racetrack than I do on Houston's freeways.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Baseball Sports

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Situations Sports