Subject: Sports (Page 77)

It would be unprintable on television.

English cricketer
Misspokements Sports

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf Sports

Giving Magic the basketball is like giving Hitler an army, Jesse James a gang, or Genghis Khan a horse.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Basketball Sports

Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Situations Sports

He had eyes in his ears.

American basketball announcer
Basketball Sports

It's hard to describe what it's like to see a stock car flying through the air knowing it's going to land on top of you.

American auto racer
Accidents Auto racing Problems Sports

Hmm, 600 games? What does it mean? It means I’m that much closer to getting fired.

Canadian hockey player & coach
Hockey Sports

With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Doctors and scientists said breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt; thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.

(1929 – ) English middle-distance athlete, physician & academic
Sports

Spring training should last one day. We'd have the team golf outing and head north.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

I never thought I'd lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my teammates – they did a lot of missing.

professional basketball player
Basketball Sports

Blind people come to the park just to hear him pitch.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

They're selling video cassettes of the Ali-Spinks re-match for $89.95. Hell, for that money Leon will come to your house.

boxing physician
Boxing Sports

Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

I'll bet the hardest thing about prize fighting is picking up your teeth with a boxing glove on.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Boxing Sports

Baseball without fans is like Jayne Mansfield without a sweater.

(1902 – 1994) British-born American trial lawyer & author
Baseball Sports

I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.

American football player
Football Sports

Old place-kickers never die, they just go on missing the point.

professional football kicker (once seen wearing a watch during a game)
Football Sports

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Golf Sports

Oi, leave our flies alone, Jardine. They’re the only friends you’ve got here.

Stephen Gascoigne (1878 – 1942) Australian sports fan & heckler
Sports