Subject: Sports (Page 79)

Muhammad Ali was on a plane when a stewardess asked him to fasten his seat belt. Ali told the lady: Superman don't need no seat belt.
The stewardess told the champ: Superman don't need no plane!

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

First triple I ever had.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Communication Language Sports

In baseball, you don’t know nothing.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports Yogi-isms

There are three secrets to managing. The first secret is have patience. The second is be patient. And the third most important secret is patience.

baseball manager
Baseball Characteristics Sports

Our goal is to score 27 points. If we can get two touchdowns and three field goals, we’ve got our 27 points.

(1937 – ) American football coach
Football Misspokements Sports

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. 

professional hockey player
Baseball Sports

The only difference between the [Phoenix] Coyotes and Days of Our Lives is that nobody has been shot on our team yet.

professional hockey player
Hockey Sports

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Activities Sports

Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it.

(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

The Mexicans… these tiny little men from South America.

British sports commentator
Boxing Misspokements People Sports

They say anything can happen in a short series. I just didn't expect it to be that short.

American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

We were so poor a robber once broke into our house and we ended up robbing the robber.

American football player
Football Money Poverty Sports

Hey, you're a white guy, do something about this!

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

The toughest call an umpire has to make is not the half-swing; the toughest call is throwing a guy out of the game after you blew the hell out of the play.

American baseball umpire
Baseball Mistakes Problems Sports

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Basketball Sports

I don’t mean he missed him, but he just didn’t get him when he put the tag on him.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Every day you guys look worse and worse. And today you played like tomorrow.

American hockey player & coach
Hockey Sports