Subject: Sports (Page 84)

I knew I was in trouble when I heard snap, crackle, and pop, and I wasn't having a bowl of cereal.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

You want a messenger boy, call Western Union.

American football player
Football Sports

We know how much fans enjoy a good brawl, so we are going to guarantee a fight. If there is not a single five-minute fighting major given to a player, every fan in attendance will receive a free ticket to the following home game.

Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

Pain is something you expect. You can’t win an Olympic final waving at the crowd.

British rower
Sports

This guy's tough. He had a face that looked like it'd hold two days of rain.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Appearance Baseball Sports

Billy Wells was all chin from the waist up.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

It must be the body. It’s chiseled out of marshmallows.

American hockey player
Hockey Sports

I know being a linesman is a thankless job, especially with guys like me around.

American professional tennis player
Sports

I was so bad at it, [golf] they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf Sports

My DNA is cheeseburgers.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

Slumps are like a soft bed; they're easy to get into and hard to get out of.

(1947 – ) professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

That putt had more breaks than a government job.

golf writer
Golf Sports

Brian London possesses the most unbeautiful face – it looks as if it, at one time, fell apart and was reassembled by a drunken mechanic.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

Anglers think they are divining some primeval natural force by outwitting a fish, a creature that never even got out of the evolutionary starting gate.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Activities Animals Sports

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Baseball Sports Time

They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different.

English football player & manager
Misspokements People Sports

Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

What’s one more torpedo in a sinking ship?

American football player
Football Health Sports

It’s marvelous. You win the championship of the world and the first thing they say to you is ‘Piss off!’

Scottish boxer
Boxing Sports

Sex is the poor man’s polo.

(1906 – 1963) playwright, screenwriter & socialist
Sex Sports

Jacques Lafitte is as close to Surer as Surer is to Lafitte.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports