Subject: Sports (Page 86)

I never thought I'd lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my teammates – they did a lot of missing.

professional basketball player
Basketball Sports

In basketball, the first person to touch the ball shoots it. Either that or the coach carefully diagrams a set play and then the first player to touch it shoots it.

owner of the Seattle SuperSonics
Basketball Sports

He can run, but he can't hide.

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

An atheist is a man who watches a Notre Dame – Southern Methodist University game and doesn’t care who wins.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Football Sports

The champion, Jess Willard, had about as much chance in this fight as a dish-faced chimpanzee in a beauty contest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Boxing Sports

If you’re going to make every game a matter of life or death, you’re going to have a lot of problems… for one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.

(1931 – ) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Sure, the home-field is an advantage — but so is having a lot of talent.

(1961 – ) American football player
Football Sports

Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green.

Golf Sports

It was strange. The only English words I saw were Sony and Mitsubishi.

American baseball player
Baseball Communication Language Misspokements Sports

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

Behind every good decathlete, there's a good doctor.

American Olympic decathlon champion
Misspokements Sports

Golf, especially championship golf, isn't supposed to be fun, was never meant to be fair, and never will make any sense.

author
Golf Sports

They've played on grass and they've played on Astroturf. What they should do is put down a layer of paper in Candlestick Park. After all, the Giants always look good on paper.

(1934 – 2005) American radio personality
Baseball Sports

The last thing you want to do is shoot 80 wearing tartan trousers.

English professional golfer
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

I'm actually getting to sleep before I have breakfast.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

To win, I’d run over Joe’s mom too.

professional football player
Football Misspokements Sports

National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I wouldn't trust him to sit on a toilet the right way.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Baseball, it is said, is only a game… true… and the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Baseball Sports

Any umpire who lasts five years in the minor leagues deserves to be immortalized; any umpire who lasts ten or more years in the minors deserves to be institutionalized.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Baseball Sports