Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 87)
The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he's really two midgets Scotch-taped together.
Gene Shue
American basketball player & coach
Basketball
Sports
I liked the choreography, but I didn't care for the costumes.
Tommy Tune
(1939 – ) American actor, dancer, singer, producer & choreographer
Appearance
Basketball
Body
Clothing
Sports
On why at 6’7” tall he never considered playing basketball
There is water in every lane, so it is OK.
Ian Thorpe
Australian swimmer
Sports
On drawing lane five
Swimming
It's kind of like tumbling around inside a giant clothes-drier.
Dave Aldana
American motorcycle racer
Sports
Motorcycle racing
On falling off a race bike at high speed
All those football coaches who hold dressing-room prayers before a game should be forced to attend church once a week.
‘Duffy’ Daugherty
(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Beliefs
Sports
Church
Coaches
Prayer
I used to play sports, then I realized you can buy trophies.
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Sports
Trophies
If you’d offered me a 69 at the start this morning I’d have been all over you.
Sam Torrance
Scottish professional golfer
Golf
Misspokements
Sports
Baseball is drama with an endless run and an ever-changing cast.
Joe Garagiola
(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball
Sports
It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air.
Jack Potter
cricket commentator
Misspokements
Sports
Cricket
You don’t realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.
Mickey Mantle
(1931 – 1995) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
These people haven’t seen the last of my face. If I go down, I’m going down standing up.
Chuck Person
American basketball player
Basketball
Misspokements
Sports
He wants Texas back.
Tommy Lasorda
Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball
Sports
When asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
P.J. O'Rourke
(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Golf
Sports
God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars.
Dan Jenkins
(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Conflict
Football
Sports
War
I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that.
Jerry Rice
professional football player
Football
Misspokements
Sports
Everything Tyson's got has 'goodnight' written on it.
Mills Lane
American boxing referee
Boxing
Sports
Mike Tyson
In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team.
Jean Paul Sartre
(1905 – 1980) French existentialist philosopher, playwright & novelist,
Football
Sports
Don King is one of the great humanitarians of our time. He has risen above that great term, prejudice. He has screwed everybody he has ever been around. Hog, dog, or frog, it don't matter to Don. If you got a quarter, he wants the first 26 cents.
Randall “Tex” Cobb
(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing
Insults
Sports
Don King
Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.
Bill Peterson
football coach
Food/Drink
Football
Health
Sports
Doughnuts
The company should change its name to Mike.
Alvin Robertson
American basketball player
Basketball
Sports
On the relationship between Michael Jordan and Nike
The kid looks good in his first game.
Gordie Howe
(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player
Hockey
Sports
At age 51 – after 41-year-old Bobby Hull made his 1979 debut with the Hartford Whalers
Page 87 of 125
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