Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 89)
You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedes-Benz.
John McKay
(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football
Sports
To the media after a game [the previous week he had said ‘You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas.’ and a case of bananas was left at his door]
Two people fighting is not violence in hockey. It might be in tennis or bowling, but it's not in hockey.
Gerry Cheevers
Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Fights
Hockey
Sports
Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it's a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it.
Dan Jenkins
(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Basketball
Sports
I'm probably the only guy who worked for (Casey) Stengel before and after he was a genius.
Warren Spahn
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Casey Stengel
The Houston Astros play in a vast indoor stadium known as the Astrodome, but the problem is they field a half-vast team.
Kurt Bevacqua
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Wordplay
If we hadn’t given them those first four touchdowns, it might have been different.
H.K. "Cootie" Reeves
American football coach
Football
Misspokements
Sports
On losing a game 53-0
Throw strikes – home plate don't move.
Leroy 'Satchel' Paige
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Pitching
It would be like the elephants standing up on two feet. It would be like the man being shot out of the cannon. It would be like a woman with a beard down to the floor. It would be the greatest show on earth.
George Foreman
(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Sports
On a potential match with Mike Tyson
I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Sports
Things
Gifts
Watch
He ran out of talent about halfway through the corner.
Buddy Baker
American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
On another racer
He looks up at him through blood smeared lips.
Harry Carpenter
British sports commentator
Boxing
Misspokements
Sports
You may be right, but it hasn’t reached his legs yet!
Bill Shankly
Scottish football player & manager
Sports
After a scout told him about a young player who “has football in his blood.”
Soccer
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
(1925 – 2005) television host
Alcohol
Baseball
Food/Drink
Sports
Champagne
On the California Angels’ advantage of never having won the World Series
I can tell you it’s a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through.
Murray Mexted
New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements
Sports
Rugby
I went to church the other day to pray for our pitchers… but there wasn't enough candles.
Jack McKeon
baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
On the bad pitching of his team
Villeneuve is now twelve seconds ahead of Villeneuve.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
Coaches are an integral part of any manager's team, especially if they are good pinochle players.
Earl Weaver
(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
Coaches
It's going to be nice to be embarrassed in practice instead of games.
Rhett Warrener
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
On having Pavel Bure become a teammate
Hockey is a mans game children can play, the other sports are children’s games that men play.
Unknown
Hockey
Sports
I throw the ball as hard as ever, but it just takes longer to get to the plate.
Don Newcombe
American baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
Pitching
I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Money
Sports
Contracts
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