Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 90)
We raced the other day and it wasn't a photo finish… it was an oil painting.
Bob Plager
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
After scrimmaging with another player who had injured his knee
Racing
I never make predictions and I never will.
Paul Gascoigne
English football player
Misspokements
Sports
Also John Motson
Being traded is like celebrating your hundredth birthday… it might not be the happiest occasion in the world, but consider the alternative.
Joe Garagiola
(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball
Sports
Being traded
Brundle is driving an absolutely pluperfect race.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
You can shake a dozen glove men out of a tree, but the bat separates the men from the boys.
Dale Long
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Fielding
Hitting
It’s weird… people say they’re not like apes; now how do you explain football then?
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals
Football
Sports
Apes
I don’t care what the tape says… I didn’t say it.
Ray Malavasi
football coach
Misspokements
Sports
He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.
Don Goldy
Golf
Sports
If it's your brain, you'll be fine. That's the smallest organ in your body.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Sports
To Chris Mullin who had fainted
He's gonna need an industrial-strength toothpick to pick the leather out of his teeth. I'm gonna hit this man so hard he's gonna grow an Afro.
Michael Olajide
Canadian boxer
Boxing
Sports
Before fighting Iran Barkley
He [Magic Johnson] comes into the league with all that fancy stuff and they call it magic; I’ve been doing it for years and they call it schoolyard.
Joe Bryant
professional basketball player
Basketball
Misspokements
Sports
Magic Johnson
It was an ideal day for football – too cold for the spectators and too cold for the players.
Red Smith
(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Cold
Football
Science/Weather
Sports
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports; when four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication
Conversation
Men
People
Speech
Sports
Women
Tell you what, you keep the salary and I'll keep me the cut.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On being asked to take a pay cut from $20000 to $7500
Baseball is like church…. many attend, few understand.
Leo Durocher
(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Sports
I never did say that you can’t be a nice guy and win; I said that if I was playing third base and my mother rounded third with the winning run, I’d trip her.
Leo Durocher
(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Life
Sports
Me and George and Billy are two of a kind.
Mickey Rivers
professional baseball player
Misspokements
Sports
On his relationship with George Steinbrenner and Billy Martin
I've been knocked down more than any heavyweight champion in history, but I consider that a compliment, because I must have got up more than any heavyweight champion.
Floyd Patterson
American boxing champion
Boxing
Sports
I went to church the other day to pray for our pitchers… but there wasn't enough candles.
Jack McKeon
baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
On the bad pitching of his team
I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.
David Brenner
(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Golf
Speech
Sports
Television
Whispering
Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!
Jerry Coleman
(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
Page 90 of 125
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