Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 90)
Panthers Destroy Viking Visitors
Peterborough Evening Telegraph
Headlines
Sports
They say they have picked Justin Fortune because he's the same height as Mike Tyson… so is my wife.
Frank Warren
English boxing manager & promoter
Boxing
Sports
On Lennox Lewis fighting a five foot nine inch opponent
And Referee Richie Powers called the loose bowel foul on Johnson.
Frank Herzog
American sportscaster
Sports
After I took the Olympic job, my wife said to me, ‘You love hockey more than you love me.’ I told her, ‘Yes, dear, but I love you more than hunting and fishing.’
Herb Brooks
American hockey player & coach
Hockey
Sports
Reporter: To what do you attribute last night’s loss?
Dale Neal: To the fact that they scored more points than we did.
Dale Neal
Misspokements
Sports
The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team; it seems as if they have their future ahead of them.
Curt Gowdy
(1919 – 2006) American sports announcer
Future
Misspokements
Sports
Things
It is so long it’s the first time I’ve had to take into account the curvature of the earth.
David Feherty
(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf
Sports
On Crooked Stick golf course
Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Sports
On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots.
The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.
Bob Varsha
auto racing commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
When they operated, I told them to put in a Koufax fastball. They did, but it was Mrs. Koufax's.
Tommy John
professional baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
After arm surgery
Sandy Koufax
Hornets Will Accent Throwing Game in ’81
Headline
Headlines
Sports
The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Pitching
She's slower than trying to bake a pie with a lighter.
Christina Kim
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Referring to Sakuta Yolomine’s play
We (the Mets) are a much improved ball club, now we lose in extra innings!
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
Losing
Mets
One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.
David Feherty
(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf
Sports
Describing the ups and downs of a typical round of golf
All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, ‘See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.’
Mickey Lolich
American baseball player
Appearance
Baseball
Fat
Sports
After a heavy reverse – It was an 'AW game. We were AWful and they were AWesome.
Anonymous NBA coach
Basketball
Sports
If you bet on a horse, that's gambling. If you bet you can make three spades, that's entertainment. If you bet cotton will go up three points, that's business. See the difference?
Blackie Sherrod
(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Entertainment
Sports
Betting
Gambling
Tonight, we're honoring one of the all-time greats in baseball, Stan Musial; he's
immoral.
Johnny Logan
professional baseball player
Malaprops
Sports
Immortal
Introducing Musial at a banquet
The way to stop Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is to get real close to him and breathe on his goggles.
John Kerr
American basketball player
Basketball
Sports
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
First I pray to God that nobody hits a ball to me; then I pray that nobody hits the ball to Steve Sax.
Pedro Guerrero
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Fielding
Steve Sax
Page 90 of 125
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