Subject: Sports (Page 92)

I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional… then it was too late.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports Success

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Baseball Sports

I sure hope you’re staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

We’ve got to find a way to win; I’m willing to start cheating.

professional football player
Misspokements Sports

He had the ability of taking a bad situation and making it immediately worse.

(1881 – 1965) American Major League Baseball executive
Baseball Sports

The only good thing about playing for Cleveland is you don't have to make road trips there.

American baseball player
Baseball Places Sports

He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

The Houston Astros are the youngest team in the National League if you judge by age.

American baseball pitcher & announcer
Age Baseball Misspokements Sports

Doctors tell me I have the body of a thirty year old. I know I have the brain of a fifteen year old. If you've got both, you can play baseball.

American baseball player
Appearance Baseball Body Intelligence Sports

They shouldn’t throw at me; I’m the father of five or six kids.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Because if it doesn't work out, I don't want to blow the whole day.

American football player
Football Marriage Sports

The lights are shining quite darkly.

cricket commentator
Misspokements Sports

If a young guy asked me for advice on how to get into broadcasting, I’d say “Hit .350 or win the Heisman.”

baseball broadcaster
Sports

I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.

American basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

You've got to come in with more than a left hook and a bad haircut to beat Lennox Lewis.

British and Canadian boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.

Murphy’s Laws Sports

I went to church the other day to pray for our pitchers… but there wasn't enough candles.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports

There's a deep fly ball… Winfield goes back, back… his head hits the wall… it's rolling towards second base.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Some players would complain if they had to play on Dolly Parton's bedspread.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Golf Sports

If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly; if they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick… same thing.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

There have been more cheap shots in this game than a Mexican cantina during happy hour.

Canadian hockey announcer
Hockey Sports