Subject: Sports (Page 93)

Managing a baseball team is like trying to make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.

American football player
Football Sports

A genius in the NFL is a guy who won last week.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Fear was absolutely necessary; without it, I would have been scared to death.

American boxing champion
Boxing Misspokements Sports

I didn't want my Mom to know I was drag racing for 20 years so I told her I was in prison.

American drag racing crew chief & pioneer
Auto racing Sports

Let the other guy have whatever he wants before the fight. Once the bell rings he's gonna be disappointed anyway.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

I’m rich; what am I supposed to do, hide it?

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

Ed, you're the second best umpire in the league… the other twenty-three are tied for first.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Government People Sports

Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Football Sports

My first priority is to finish above rather than beneath the ground.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.

Baseball Basketball Football Hockey Sports

He’s shown a lack of inconsistency.

Malaprops Sports

If there’s a pileup, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.

(1919 – 2006) American sports announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

My best score ever was 103. But I've only been playing fifteen years.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Golf Sports

The Hall of Fame ceremonies are on the 31st and 32nd of July.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

No, I don't fight anybody I played against in Juniors. I think everyone I played Juniors with is dead now.

Canadian hockey player & coach
Hockey Sports

I’m throwing twice as hard, but the ball is getting there half as fast.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat… I might be failing as a father.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Family Fathers Sports

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
America Places Sports

God watches over drunks and third basemen.

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports