Subject: Sports (Page 96)

Sometimes you think they must have come out of the chimp cages at the Bronx zoo.

Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Hockey Sports

Oh God, if there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain.


Sports

Yeah… it’s called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

Hockey would be a great game… if played in the mud.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Hockey Sports

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Sports

 You mean in the state?

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

I got hit in the head pretty hard. My clock ran backwards for two years.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Reporter: To what do you attribute last night’s loss?

Dale Neal: To the fact that they scored more points than we did.

Misspokements Sports

After indulging in some heavy, late-night research with scholarly friends, Bobby was driving back to his hotel, innocently enough, when he was sideswiped by several empty cars lurking at curbside.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Football Sports

Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring; besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. It’s more democratic.

(1955 – ) American actor, musician, producer & director
Baseball Sports TV/Movie Quotes

There’s nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

Golf is the only game in which a precise knowledge of the rules can earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship.

Irish journalist & author
Golf Sports

On the road when you go downstairs for coffee in your underwear, they throw you out of the kitchen.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Howard Cosell is nobody’s fool. He’s everybody’s fool.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

Fred Titmus has two short legs, one of them square.

Misspokements Sports

How can you trust a man who can talk for five minutes and you can’t understand a sentence of it!

British and Canadian boxing champion
Boxing Sports

As an intellectual, he bestowed upon the games of golf and bridge all the enthusiasm and perseverance that he withheld from his books and ideas.

(1920 – 1982) foreign bureau chief, editor & speechwriter
Characteristics Golf Insults Intelligence

Morcelli has four fastest 1500-meter times ever; and all those times are at 1500 meters.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things

Blind people come to the park just to hear him pitch.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports