Subject: Sports (Page 98)

Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Football Sports

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Golf Sports

I'd take five [former player] Milt Schmidts, put my grandmother in the nets and we'd beat any team.

Former NHL referee
Hockey Sports

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question… wait a minute, I do have a dollar for every time I've been asked that question.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Situations Sports

We didn't lose many games, and we never lost a party.

American football player
Football Sports

We hate each other. People assume that we respect each other because we’re black. We don’t.

Canadian hockey player & commentator
Hockey Sports

Retire to what?… I'm a golfer and a fisherman; there's nothing to retire to.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

They wanted me to play third like Brooks (Robinson) so I did play like Brooks — Mel Brooks.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

That's one of the best sets I've seen him play[Tomas Zib] – although I should preface that by saying I haven't seen him play before

American professional tennis player
Misspokements Sports

I’m not an athlete; I’m a professional baseball player.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

1. The more tangled your line is, the better the fishing is around you. 2. The time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing season draws nearer. 3. The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Corollary: The more elaborate and costly the equipment, the greater chance of having to stop at the fish market on the way home.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Sports

We’re not afraid of challenges. It’s like we always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned.

Mixed metaphors Sports

Is that the best game you ever pitched?

Baseball Misspokements Sports

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me; I want all the kids to copulate me.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

He had a God-given killer instinct.

professional football owner & coach
Football Sports

Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago…

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

This boxer is doing what is expected of him, bleeding from his nose.

British sports commentator
Boxing Misspokements Sports

We got a lot of guys not doing what their bubble-gum card says they can do.

professional baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Brooks [Robinson] never asked anyone to name a candy bar after him; in Baltimore, people named their children after him.

sports writer
Baseball Sports

What goes up must come down.  But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Golf Sports