Subject: Sports (Page 99)

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.

(1953 – ) American baseball player
Situations Sports

That home run ties it up, 1-0.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

It was an ideal day for football – too cold for the spectators and too cold for the players.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Cold Football Science/Weather Sports

At least he can’t cheat on his score because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

My father looked at the check and then told the scout, 'Throw in another hundred and you can take the rest of the family.'

baseball player
Baseball Money Sports

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

I played golf. I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. … you're supposed to yell, Fore! but I was too busy yelling, “There ain't no way that's gonna hit him!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Golf Sports

Doctors tell me I have the body of a thirty year old. I know I have the brain of a fifteen year old. If you've got both, you can play baseball.

American baseball player
Appearance Baseball Body Intelligence Sports

Golf is a better game played downhill.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf Sports

If he raced his pregnant wife he'd finish third.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports

When you the man who beat the man who was the man… well, then you ‘The Man.’

American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

We stunk… we blocked bad… we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible; I saw nothing that delighted me, though we ran on the field fairly well.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

I’ve been in the twilight of my career longer than most people have had a career.

(1956 – ) Czech American tennis player
Sports Time

A fast body-contact game played by men with clubs in their hands and knives laced to their feet.


(1897 – 1976) American novelist, short story & sports writer
Hockey Sports

The place was so empty, they could have had archery practice.

American football coach
Football Sports

I'd rather be a lamppost in Denver than the mayor of Philadelphia.

American professional boxer
Boxing Insults Places Sports

I guess I'll have to gain 60 pounds, start smoking a cigar and wear clothes that don't match.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I've only ever seen Errol Christie fight once before and that was the best I've ever seen him fight.

British boxer
Boxing Misspokements Sports

The quarterback’s spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Football Situations Sports

Muhammad Ali is Muhammad Ali and compared to him all other men are earthlings.

American boxing trainer
Boxing Sports