Subject: Things » Autos

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light will be green.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

Traffic increases to fill the road space available.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things Work

Every car has a lot of speed in it. The trick is getting the speed out of it.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

I bought a perfect second car… a tow truck.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Death Friends People Things

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

Never buy a car that has a wick.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
America Autos People

1. You can get “anywhere” in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
2. Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
3. The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
4. This lane ends in 500 feet.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Autos Intelligence Stupidity Things

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.

Autos Murphy’s Laws