Subject: Things » Autos (Page 4)

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

(1941 – ) actor, writer, poet & feminist
Autos Men People

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

My Dad always told me there’s three things you need to have in the boot of your car: a blanket, a shovel and a flask; and he’s right – because whenever I’ve killed a man I’m parched.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Autos Conflict Killing Things

You might be a redneck if… the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

What a lucky thing the wheel was invented before the automobile; otherwise can you imagine the awful screeching?

(1890 – 1947) Russian-American screenwriter & musical composer
Autos Things

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

You might be a redneck if… you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

A malfunctioning car will stop displaying symptoms of imminent breakdown when driven to within one-quarter mile of a garage.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Confucius say… when driving near schools, open your eyes and save the pupils.

Autos Confucius say Things

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.

Autos Misspokements Situations Things

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

Autos Headlines

I learned in my car that I could not have children; it was the day that I locked my keys in my car with the engine running.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Family Mistakes Problems

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things Travel