Subject: Things » Autos (Page 5)

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio; if all the stations are rock ‘n’ roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot.

(1940 – ) American radio disc jockey
Autos Entertainment Music Things

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights and now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

I bought a perfect second car… a tow truck.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

I locked my keys in the car the other day…. but it was alright, I was still inside.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two new parking spaces right in front of the building entrance.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it – that's like a whore wearing a rosary.

comedian, television host & actor
Autos Things

In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

Autos Signs

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone… when I came back the entire area was missing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

That's all you're doing – swearing, in a box with wheels.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Autos Situations Things

Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone else's.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places

I’m not a fighter; I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Autos Conflict Fights Things