Subject: Things » Autos (Page 6)

The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

Autos Headlines

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

You might be a redneck if… your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

Cars will not have intercourse in this bridge!

Autos Signs Translations

People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it – that's like a whore wearing a rosary.

comedian, television host & actor
Autos Things

1. If you can get to the faulty part, you won't have the tool to get it off. 2. If you can get the part off, the parts house will have it back ordered. 3. If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

You might be a redneck if… the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
America Autos People

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

When you need towns, they are very far apart.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Remember folks, stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Autos Science/Weather Things

When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile.

(1947 – ) radio broadcaster & host
Autos Situations Things

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately; I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Autos Things

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things Work

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

When I was on acid, I’d see things like beams of light and I’d hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Autos Drugs Situations