Subject: Things » Autos (Page 6)

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.

Autos Misspokements Situations Things

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.

Autos Government Murphy’s Laws

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

Life is too short to own a German car.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two new parking spaces right in front of the building entrance.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
 then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Places Things

The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?


(1924 – ) American businessman, president, CEO of Chrysler Corporation
Autos Situations

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Autos Occupations People Situations Women Work

People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it – that's like a whore wearing a rosary.

comedian, television host & actor
Autos Things

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

Nothing that I know can help you with your car… ever… unless you’re like: “Hey I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about the “Cosby Show”?’

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Autos Things

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

You might be a redneck if… you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People

Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my radio every time I park?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places