Subject: Things » Computers

Just tried to switch to Bing… Google was like, “You can, but it’d be a real shame if some of your old searches got out.”

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Computers Things

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Computers People Self Things

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Things Time

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Life Things

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Things

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed. 2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers. 3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.

Computers Murphy’s Laws

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

The word “user” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Intelligence Things

User: The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Things

There’s always one more bug.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Computers Things

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Computers Things

At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Computers Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things