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Subject: Things » Computers

At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.

Greg Fitzsimmons

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Parker's Third Rule of Tech Support

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things Technology

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

Chip Salzenberg

American computer programmer

Computers Occupations Things Work Programmers

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Computers Things User

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Anonymous

Computers Definitions Things Mouse

There’s always one more bug.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

Tom O’Connor

Book Titles Computers Things Internet Server

I have one friend whose Facebook updates are exclusively complaining about Facebook.

Paul Tompkins

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

Computers Things Facebook

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Anonymous

Computers Definitions Things Keyboard

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.

Mitch Ratcliffe

journalist, media executive & entrepreneur

Computers Mistakes Problems Things

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

Dan Rather

(1931 – ) television newscaster

Computers Mistakes Problems Things

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

Marilyn Pittman

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer

Computers Language Sex Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computer Programmer's Lament

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things Programming

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

Wain's Conclusion

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Things

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Computers Money People Things

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

Arthur C. Clarke

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author

Computers Things Manuals

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

Aparna Nancheria

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress

Computers People Self Things Facetime

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Anonymous

Computers Definitions Things Obsolete

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Emo Phillips

(1956 – ) American comedian

Activities Computers Games Sports Things Checkers Kickboxing

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed. 2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers. 3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.

Parallels To Murphy's Law

Computers Murphy’s Laws Blame

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Subject: Things » Computers

At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

There’s always one more bug.

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

I have one friend whose Facebook updates are exclusively complaining about Facebook.

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed. 2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers. 3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.