Subject: Things » Computers

Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?

(1950 – ) astronomer, author & computer security consultant
Computers People Things

At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Computers Things

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Life Things

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction — from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
Computers Mistakes Problems Things

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Computers Science/Weather Sex Things

I have one friend whose Facebook updates are exclusively complaining about Facebook.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Computers Things

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Things Time

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers… are we all living in one created by someone in the future?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Computers Things

As every parent of a small child knows, converting a large object into small fragments is considerably easier than the reverse process.

(1944 – ) American computer scientist
Computers Things

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why?… the answer is one word: versions.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Things

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

The word “user” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Intelligence Things

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Things

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things