Subject: Things » Computers (Page 2)

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things

At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Computers Things

As every parent of a small child knows, converting a large object into small fragments is considerably easier than the reverse process.

(1944 – ) American computer scientist
Computers Things

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Life Things

User: The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Things

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Money People Things

Just tried to switch to Bing… Google was like, “You can, but it’d be a real shame if some of your old searches got out.”

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Computers Things

Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Communication Computers Things

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Computers Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.

journalist, media executive & entrepreneur
Computers Mistakes Problems Things

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations Things

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers… are we all living in one created by someone in the future?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Computers Things

There is always one more bug.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction — from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things