Subject: Things » Computers (Page 2)

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction — from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

(1931 – ) television newscaster

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian

There is always one more bug.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed. 2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers. 3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley LSD and UNIX; we don't believe this to be a coincidence.

American computer systems administrator

User: The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress

Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why?… the answer is one word: versions.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Obsolete: Any computer you own.