Subject: Things (Page 12)

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Computers Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds…

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Things

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday… so I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Television Things

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment.

Murphy’s Laws Things

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

If something’s old and you’re trying to sell it, it’s obsolete; if you’re trying to buy it, it’s a collector’s item.

Age Things

What a lucky thing the wheel was invented before the automobile; otherwise can you imagine the awful screeching?

(1890 – 1947) Russian-American screenwriter & musical composer
Autos Things

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

Fancy Coffins (To Make Yourself)

Book Titles Things

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Things

Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Brecher: Unless there’s a canary in here, my hearing aid just died.
Interviewer: How long do those batteries last?
Brecher: About two weeks… longer if you don’t do any listening.

(1914 – 2008) screenwriter
Things

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Autos Driving Things

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws… only catapults.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Fat Things

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol
Things Time

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Murphy’s Laws Things

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Things

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Money Things