Subject: Things (Page 12)

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

(1912 – 1969) Norwegian figure skater & actress
Age Appearance Old Things

You might be a redneck if… you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Places Rednecks Things

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Failure Problems Things

In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.

Murphy’s Laws Things

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Dogs Things

Scissors: A piece maker.

Definitions Things

The tire is only flat on the bottom.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

If only two cars are left in a vast parking lot, one will be blocking the other.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Last week I helped my friend stay put – it’s a lot easier than helping someone move – I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Autos Children Family Things

Never buy a car you can’t push.

Autos Proverbs Things

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Health Old Things

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.


Activities Things

What are imitation rhinestones?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

Do you think shaving cream really softens your beard… or is it just so you don't lose your place?

comedian
Things