Subject: Things (Page 13)

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

The one piece that holds the whole thing together will be missing.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conversation People Stupidity Things

Antique: An object that has made a round trip to the attic.

Definitions Things

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

I’m very conflicted by eye tests… I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses.

British comedian, writer, actor & podcaster
Situations Things

I love that smell of the emissions!

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Things

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Activities Definitions Things

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Conflict Things

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Things

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

It is difficult to see why lace should be so expensive; it is mostly holes.

(1880 – ?) American author
Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
America Autos People

A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Body Characteristics Situations Things

… electrical degenerators

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Things

I found a guy's wallet and inside was a picture of my kids!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Things

You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Education Money People

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
 then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Places Things

A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible spot.

Murphy’s Laws Things