Subject: Things (Page 15)

You always find something in the last place you look.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out and now my car goes 500 miles an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Autos Children Family Things

I found a guy's wallet and inside was a picture of my kids!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Things

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

The tire is only flat on the bottom.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids; it’s SPF 80: you squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

(1961 – ) American television producer, writer, actor & comedian
Things

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Things

A 60-day warranty guarantees that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.


Things

You get the most of what you need the least.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

I got a smoke alarm at home… but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

If it’s good, they’ll stop making it.

(1909 – 2001) editorial cartoonist & author
Murphy’s Laws Things

Do they still make wooden Christmas Trees?

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Things

If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Science/Weather Things

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Money Things

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things