Subject: Things (Page 19)

Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

Crowded lifts (elevators) smell different to people with restricted growth.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Things

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids; it’s SPF 80: you squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

(1961 – ) American television producer, writer, actor & comedian
Things

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things

What a stupid car – that's like having a Rolex clock radio.

comedian
Autos Things

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor’s new one.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Autos Things

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Life Things

I have a map of the United States… actual size.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
America Places Things

Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Things

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Things

1. The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
2. You will reach it just in time to hear the click of the caller hanging up.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds…

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Things

The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you.

American comedian & television host
People Situations Things

I have a telescope on the peep hole of my door so I can see who is at the door for 200 miles.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel