Subject: Things (Page 2)

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Fancy Coffins (To Make Yourself)

Book Titles Things

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

You're never too poor for good toilet paper.

comedian
Money Poverty Things

The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

Murphy’s Laws Things

What are answering machines for if not to break up with someone who bores you?

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships Things

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Definitions Places Things

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History Time Truth

No man can hear his telephone ring without wishing heartily that Alexander Graham Bell had been run over by an ice wagon at the age of four.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Things

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

Interchangeable devices won't.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Money Things

Can a 3-D printer make ink cartridges for a 2-D printer?

(1983 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
Things

Last week I helped my friend stay put – it’s a lot easier than helping someone move – I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

An antique is something that’s been useless so long it’s still in pretty good condition.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Things

I love that smell of the emissions!

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Things

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Money People Things

Things hate people.

Murphy’s Laws People Things