Subject: Things (Page 20)

What do batteries run on?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

Life is too short to own a German car.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.


Activities Things

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Body God Things

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

Only after locking your toolbox/shed at the end of a DIY job do you find another tool to return to your toolbox/shed.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things Work

A malfunctioning car will stop displaying symptoms of imminent breakdown when driven to within one-quarter mile of a garage.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Among the things money can't buy is what it used to.

typographer
Money Things

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

If you're a guy, you're wearing a fanny pack, the only thing inside there's, like, a butt plug and Streisand tickets.

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
People Things

Well, it sounds like a clear choice between a new wife and a new car, and frankly, since you’ve held tight to this piece of junk for over 130,000 miles, I’m a little worried about which way you’re going to go.

(1949 – ) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Things

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History Time Truth

The tombstone is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

(1880 – ?) American author
Beliefs Honesty Lies Things

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

I have no problems with buying tampons, I am a fairly modern man… but apparently they’re not a ‘proper’ present.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Things

I like to tease my plants when I water them… I like to water them with ice cubes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things